This is NOT great. This is just me, upset and bored at 2am in the morning. So as much as you hate it, just pretend you like it. Please?
Some Notes; As I sat down to write this, I put on my Kelly Clarkson Pandora station. I was shocked, to realize that many, many, many of the songs related to me and the boy this is about (Songs at bottom). Some of these ‘memories’ are truly, word for word real, and some are based off of times with him or other people.
Either way this is 100% dedicated to Justin Scott Harris, I’ll never, ever forget you.
This is not looked over, I just grabbed a pencil and notebook and started writing, then typed it up, and didn’t really fix much. Plus, many of these are tough for me to write, so I didn’t do my best with describing and such.
It has been three years.
Justin taught me that something that seems to be absolutely horrible, is not in fact, bad at all.
~
It’s late, and you decide to draw, so you get up; trying to find a pencil, and finally spot one on the tiny shelf on the other side of the room. While grabbing the pencil, you spot and old photograph of him and the memories start to fly through your mind…
~
It was a summer day, the first time you saw his face. The first time you knew you had finally found a true friend. It was a time you’d never forget…
“Oh hey! You’re Cathy’s daughter, aren’t you?” A women, in her fourties or so you guess, ask you while you pick up a pool stick in the game room. She had been talking to a younger, darker lady but got up to talk to you.
“Um..yeah? How’d you know?”
“Oh I was just talking to her and she described you! I’m Chris, and that’s my son over there, Justin.”
You look over to the couch, where a blonde headed boy is playing a video game, and a little girl keeps tackling him.
“Oh, it’s nice to meet you.” You nod to her, somewhat freaked out by the hyper, older women.
She then started to walk out of the room. “Justin, I’m going downstairs, I’ll see you later.” The younger woman then grabbed the young girl, smiles at me and followed after the older lady.
You put down the pool stick, and walk over to the boy…
~
So that means I’m stripes and you’re solids?” You bring your hand up to your face, rubbing your chin, trying to understand the game of pool.
“Yup, and you can only hit the stripes, but if you do get a solid in one of the holes, which means…”
He goes onto explain more about the game, and soon you’re obsessed with it…
~
You came back to the Hospital one week from spending a weekend at home, and you see his face; his smile, and you run to him, asking him how his weekend was. He starts talking, and you look into his eyes and you’re suddenly lost. You nod your head, over and over- pretending to be listening to what he’s saying.
Finally, you actually start to listen, “So they were going to ask us-me and you- me and him…”to cut the ribbon for the new playground- but you weren’t there, so me and a couple of other kids did it.”
You had remembered the news about the new playground, and even though usually in this kind of situation you’d be upset about not being able to be there, but then you realize that someone noticed how close you two really were, and you take a moment to fanaticize him and you, together.
And not just best friends.
~
“HA! I beat you!” You start to do a little victory dance, happy that you finally beat him at something. He’s not angry, not upset, like any other ego-crazy boy would be. Instead, he has this smug look on his face.
“Justin, you didn’t let me beat you, did you?!”
You stop dancing, and playfully slap him on his arm, picking back up the controller to try and beat him again.
~
“Come on Justin! You know I hate touching random things!” You beg, and plead with him to open the box, hoping he doesn’t make fun of you for your germ phobia like most people do. He starts laughing, and walks away from you. You chase after him, pouting.
“Justinnn! Please?!”
“Amanda, which one of us here is on chemo? Which one of us can easily die because of a cold?”
You don’t say anything; you simply wave him off, walking back to your room, having him walk along with you.
~
“What do you mean you’ve never seen ET?! It’s like, an American classic! Everyone has seen ET!” He goes and puts the tape into the player, and you chuckle at his statement.
“Well when I was younger, I always wanted to- but my mom told me it was scary. And so, ya know, I hate scary stuff, so I stayed away from it.”
He sits down next to you, and you somehow manage to slide closer to him, without him saying anything. You snuggle down into the couch, pretending to watch the movie- when really; you’re just soaking up being so close to him.
~
Somehow, one day, the two of you get into the subject of relationships.
“Well there’s this guy, Zach, and well I’ve liked him for a while. But ya know, I’m pretty sure he has no interest in me…”
You’re wishing, yelling inside, hoping that he’ll say the jerk doesn’t deserve you, and he is interested in you. But, of course- he just nods his head, understandingly, going on to talk about the two girls back home that fight over him, and how he sort of likes both of them.
Lucky girls…
~
So, Amanda, did you know that Justin lik…”
“Mom! Oh hey Amanda, wanna play some pool?” You know what his mom was about to say, and you start to really wonder if it’s true.
You always will…
~
You knock on his door, having his mom answer- as if you’re not already nervous enough to be coming to his room.
“Oh! Amanda! Come on in, Justin’s in the bathroom- he’ll be out in a second.” Opening the door up wider, she lets you in. She then hands you a small photo of Justin, with information on the back.
“When we leave, that’s Justin’s cell, so you can call him anytime.” As your starting to wonder and worry about when they’re leaving, Justin walks out of the bathroom and the two of you go to hangout, you no longer caring when they leave, as long as he’s still here now. You never did call him…
~
You leave, again- for another weekend back at home, expecting to come back to his face, that’s secretly the only thing getting you through this long car trip home and the two days spent at home, with people you’re barely close to anymore.
You come back that following Monday, and he’s no longer here. You run all over the hotel, trying to spot him. Finally, you see your mom in the large community kitchen; you frantically ask her if she’s seen him. And she some how knows where he is, and tells you that the previous day he had left, something about how he was getting even sicker, and the doctors had told his family he should go back home for treatment.
You know this statement is insane, because this is the best hospital for him to be at, but you don’t go on to care about that. Instead, you hide your emotions and walk yourself back to the tiny room, climbing onto the bed, staring into space- a single tear traveling down your face.
~
It’s time for you to finally be able to leave this plaice, for you to forget about this horrible time in your life, but you can’t help to be upset, somehow being here was one of the best things ever. You start to break down, crying; wishing he was there to say goodbye. Your family thinks you’re insane, to be upset about leaving. But you don’t care, because this plaice, the people, and him, will always be a he part of your life.
~
You walk downstairs, and log onto the computer, impatiently waiting as the page starts to load. It’s his ‘caringbridge’ page. Finally, it’s up and you start to read,
Our little boy of 11 years went to be with Jesus this morning.
You don’t have to read on. You jump up form the desk, yelling to your parents.
“He’s gone.”
“Who’s gone sweetheart?”
“Justin.”
You stand there, agape with your hand over your mouth, and your dad runs downstairs to look at the page. He looks at you, calling to your mom. But you just run, until you come to your room.
You try and try to cry, but you can’t. You sit there, wondering why you never got to say goodbye…
~
You back away form the photo, the memories still playing back and forth in your head…
~
My favorite memory of all time with Justin… (Where the tittle Comes From)
“Justin, looky! I got a Katherine McPhee CD from the hospital! I love her!”
“Amandaa, I’m trying to play here!”
Ignoring him, you force him over to the beanbags. You jump onto the beanbag next to him and put the CD, into the disc player and the music starts to play loudly, you skip the first song, not really liking it. But then, the second song starts playing and you get chills.
“Come on, lets play pool” You get up, and note to your self that this is yours and his song.
My Destiny, Katherine McPhee
Kelly Clarkson, Save You, Already Gone
Never Again Torn, Natalie Imbruglia
Disturbia, Rihanna. Bring Me To Life, Evanescence
Fighter, Christina Aguilera
Don’t Stop Believin’, Journey
Love Song, Sara Bareilles
Are You Happy Now?, Michelle Branch
Thinking, Drinking, Seeking Feeling, Slow Club
You’re Gonna Go Far Kid, The Offspring
Black Or White, Michael Jackson
Over It, Katherine McPhee
Somewhere Over The Rainbow Katherine McPhee,
